Ah, self sabotage. A topic we can all relate to. There’s not a person I know who hasn’t experienced it. In my opinion it’s synonymous with being human since we’ve all been there. It’s that moment you KNOW you should be doing A, but you’re willingly doing B. Most of the times it shows up in decisions we’re making or avoiding. More likely though it’s showing up in ACTIONS we’re avoiding. Actions that could get us to our goals (business. relationships. health) but….nah, we wanna stay comfy in our comfort zone.
So what’s up with self sabotage? Is there a way to tackle it? To kick it to the curb once and for all? A way to finally lose that last 10 lbs? A way to finally stick to that schedule for work? It may even be spiritually, to finally carve out time for you and your spirituality vs. just turning on netflix.
Truth is I can definitely be the self sabotage queen.
But over the years I’ve come up with a bit of a game plan when I sense myself recoiling from what I know I should be doing.
- STOP. Take a second to check out what you’re avoiding and why. For me, that means checking in with what I REALLY want. If it’s to be healthy, and my relationship with Uber Eats is getting a little cray cray, I do a check-in: am I feeling rigid about health instead of balanced. There’s nothing like rigidity in life to make us want to BOOM then BUST. The flip side is having fun, realizing our goals are what we CHOSE, and flowing into them without having life in a choke hold. When I have a big business goal, and I notice I’m pushing off the actions that will get me to my goal, I check out if I’m feeling doubt verses excited about my goal. Or if I’m overwhelmed by the work it will take to get there, instead of simply taking the next small step towards my goals.
- DROP. Literally, drop it. Drop the bad habit or negative mindset, just for a minute. Most of us are running our lives a mile a minute, so shoving that cookie into your face, or putting off that business call that will lead to your next sale, or deciding you can do it “next month”, “next monday” – it’s a split second decision that become harmful as you keep making them over and over again. (A great reference on how small decisions make or break life is the book “The Slight Edge” by Jeff Olson.) INSTEAD – try this on: Give yourself a minute to take a deep breath and picture what you want one month from now, one year from now, and five years from now. Did you know it only takes about 30 seconds to picture all that in your mind. That visual creates a direct line of thought between the present actions and your future desires. AGAIN – common sense. But alas, we’re hurdling through life so fast that we NEED to consciously initiate a complete mental “stop and drop” for a few minutes to get us back into the zone.
- ROLL. Do the next thing. Legitimately, one action that is taking you closer to what you want, instead of closer to what you don’t want. There’s nothing more common sense than that. HOWEVER, most people don’t do it. And it’s why many feel “stuck” for long periods of time. The feeling of empowerment comes from moving in line with what’s BEST for you. Not just what’s easiest, or what feels good in the moment. Check out the last time you felt happy and empowered – it was likely when you stuck to your guns, persisted, and were happy that you did.
True story: four days ago I had to put the stop, drop and roll principle into action. I had an off conversation with a business partner, and I felt derailed momentarily. I knew it, because I didn’t FEEL good.
Pro tip: your feelings are the barometer to everything going on and are like a flashing light indicator for self sabotage.
Well my light was flashing. So after spinning in my head for 15 minutes, I stopped, thought about my goals, where I want to be, how good I am at my business (yo, if you don’t cheerlead yourself kids, don’t expect others to. You will NEVER hear what others say, until you believe what you say to yourself). And I rolled into taking one more action towards where I want to be in business, which literally meant me reaching out to a thriving business partner on my team to talk about an event we’re doing together. Within 5 minutes I was back on track. But to be real, seven years ago that whole process would have taken me five days. Self sabotage isn’t always kicked to the curb in such a short frame of time. BE PATIENT and view it as your absolute pleasure to gently, over time, root out the doubt and bad habits that rob you of the long term gain and happiness. One step at a time. You got this.
What I’m wearing: Earrings (on sale!)